19 months off topical steroids, Kline is looking so good!!!

Now, if the dang itch would go away!!!! I started to use allergra for kids and he had a great day yesterday, not sure if it was just time for a good day or the allegra helped???? He is back in the tub today, so who the fuck knows?!?!

xoxo
Loren

Mommy's sorry Kline!

I am sorry you are suffering so!

I am sorry I lose my patients with you!

I am sorry you are so itchy!

I am sorry you didn't get to go camping this summer!

I am sorry we put those steroids on you, even once!

I am sorry the doctors didn't tell us the proper way to use the steroids!

I am sorry you have missed out on so much!

I am sorry a lot of times I am not the mommy you deserve!

I am sorry I get so angry at the itchy bastard!

I am sorry your daddy and I do not have a strong relationship!

I am sorry your daddy and I do not give you the example you should have of a strong marriage and strong bond by love!

I am sorry I scream in the middle of the night when the itchy bastard takes  you over!

I am so sorry for the last 2 years of your life!

I wish I could take it all away. Erase it from your mind!  My only hope that when the itchy bastard is finally slain,  we will be better people because of him.  More compassionate  to others in their own struggles.  More giving and kind.  More thankful of a normal life.  Stronger in every way. 

But never the less, I am sorry my sweet honey bear!  I wish I could kiss you and make it all better, but I can't.
I love you Kline
Xoxoxo Mommy

A peek inside my mind! A mother of a son with severe food allergies and healing from tsa, Beware!

 The double whammy of insanity!

 So as you all know, Klines skin has been fucked! To put it lightly! :-)

 So, I thought for all the parents out there with kids that have clear itch free skin and no deadly food allergy, I would give you a glimpse of what happens in my brain, daily, if not every minute of every day.

As a Mom, we worry. That's what we do.  Since the day Kline shot out of my v jay jay my mind has not rested since. ( I will be kind and spare you from my v jay jay pix!)

At first it was the normal worries every mom has.....
>
> Will he breath on his own?
>
> Is he getting enough Breat milk?
>
> Will he ever sleep?
>
> Why is his poop green?
>
> Is he colicky?
>
> How the hell can I protect his wobbly neck if we get in a car crash?
>
> What if I roll on him in the middle of the night?
>
> Why is he crying?
>
> Is he going to get sun burn?
>
> Is he too hot?
>
> Is he too cold?
>
> Will he grow up to be a good man?
>
> Will he have friends, fit in! Be bullied?
>
> Will he be a bully?

> Will he be happy , healthy , and wise?
>
>
> So, that is what I imagine a normal mom worries about....and just a few of their worries at that.
>
> BUT,
>
> This is what my mind started to worrying about since Kline was born because he has severe food allergies to dairy, eggs and all nuts and his skin and itch have always been an issue!!!!!
>

ENTER MY MIND WITH CAUTION


> What is he eating?
>
> What is he touching?
>
> What did I just eat...I think my breast milk may have been contaminated by dairy!
>
> Did that table at the kids museum get wiped down before he touched it?
>
> Where are my wipes?
>
> Why would someone not wipe their kids hands off at the park, after they eat a runny peanut butter sandwich?  Now, your kid has gotten the deadly peanut butter all over the whole play set!
>
> Is someone eating a hard boiled egg in here?
>
> No, we can't go to any breakfast restaurants, even if we pack all of kline's meal, because he can't be in a room with eggs cooking.
>
> Is that gluten free?
>
> Was that made in a facility with eggs, dairy or nuts?
>
> Do I have the epi pen?
>
> Did you bring the epi pen?
>
> Where is the fucking epi pen?
>
> Why the fuck is a medicine that will save a persons life so fucking expensive?  The epi pen!
>
> No we can not go out to eat....too much cross contamination.
>
> Are you watching him, that kid has a sippy with dairy in it!!
>

> Is he itchy?
>
> Where's the aveeno?
>
> Did you put his steroids on him? (wish I never thought that one!)
>
> Where are his steroids?
>
> Are his steroids running low?
>
> Why aren't his steroids helping anymore?
>
> What did he eat? His skin is a mess!
>
> I think the ergo carrier is making his eczema worse, he is getting too hot, better not carry him in that!
>
> He needs long pants on, his skin may touch the grass.
>
> When will he sleep?
>
> Where is the antihistamine?
>
> Maybe we should try a cranial sacrum dr.? 
>
> What did that cranial sacrum dr. Just do? Seems like anyone can touch his head for an hour! 90 bucks down!
>
> God I hope Kline won't be scarred by the colonic!
>
> When will he sleep!?!?
>
> I think I have carpal tunnel from itching him all day and night!
>
> NO MY KID IS NOT FUCKING CONTAGIOUS!!! YOURS IS!!!!
>
> What did he eat...maybe we would cut out everything and start from scratch!
>
> Oh great, he is allergic to 25 food according to his skin test and any plant, animal, or bug created by god! fuck!
>
> Maybe we need to change his bedding?
>
> Maybe we need to rip out the carpets?
>
> Is this water chlorinated?
>
> Is it the dogs? Should we get rid of them?  Lets change their food to grain free.  Let's wrap them in a bubble!
>
> Let's get a full house water filter and air filter and wrap him in bubble.  Crap, that didn't even help!
>
> When will this end?
>
> What did he touch...he has hives all over!
>
> Maybe it's the detergent?
>
> How much fucking money have I spent this month on real soap, organic grain free sugar free, egg free, nut free, dairy free food, and doctor bills?
>
  Where's my Paxil?????

> Can I get that wine by the gallon....alright I'll just switch to boxed wine.....a lot more for your buck.
>
> Crap, maybe just really strong margaritas!
>
> Well, shit that's not working..maybe just a few shots of tequila!
>
> Ok, well...let's add chocolate in to there..maybe that will make me feel better.
>
> Why am I getting so fat?
>
> Why can't I go a day with out a drink?
>
> Why is nothing working?
>
> Google will know!
>
> Google searching at 3 am , totally normal right?
>
> Support groups! Special recipe groups! 
>
> Therapy!
>
> Why is my marriage suffering so badly?
>
> Why don't we ever have sex?
>
> What the hell happened to our life?
>
> When will we get our life back?
>
> WTF,WTF! WTF!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
> Well, that's about a minute of what my brain and many other mom's brains look like. Or at least I hope I am not the only one that thinks this way!!!!!  I told you to proceed with caution!
>
>
> Hopefully, one day, I can calm my mind, without Paxil, booze, and chocolates!  Hopefully one day, Kline will not be itchy, red, and oozing! Hopefully one day,  Kline will sleep! Hopefully one day, Kline will grow out of his food allergies and be able to eat any where he wants and whatever he wants.
>
> But for now, my poor wee brain is on over load....pray for us! Lol
>
> One crazy mama! Loren

Fall.....

Well, fall is upon us....the pine needles are starting to fall and the weather is getting windy and cooler.  That means one thing, school time.  I was so hoping Kline would finally be able to start preschool this September, but no.....the itchy bastard took that away from him too.  I had paid for him to start going 2 days a week for 3 hours, but the poor kid can't even make it 30 minutes with out the bath tub lately. He is back into full on flare mode and let me tell you, it sucks!  His neck is oozing again, smaller patch.  He isn't sleeping very well and his chest is covered in red skin which it has not been for probably a year.  IT SUCKS THE BIG ONE!

I hate to discourage others going through withdrawal, but holy shit! What the hell, it has been 1.5 years off steroids....2 years of Kline being totally miserable because of his skin. 2 years of no sleep. 2 years of no life.  2 years of itch, burn, ooze, and pain.

I try not to think about about the things he has lost out on.  Playmates, parties, family get togethers, social development, mental development, physical development, swim lessons, dance lessons, ski lessons, soccer camp, kids museums, vacations, and camping. You name it, my poor honey bunny has missed it.  So so sad and so discouraging.  I still truly believe in time he will heal......just come on already, WTF, let's get this shit over with.

Alright, enough bitching out of me!!!  Yeah right! Lol 

On a positive note....if you get a change check out the documentary "I AM".....very inspirational!  Also, a good one is called "Happy"

I am trying very hard to see the light at the end of this god forsaking long, never-ending tunnel, but it's hard? 

I hope your healing is going faster than our. Xoxoxox Loren