The double whammy of insanity!
So as you all know, Klines skin has been fucked! To put it lightly! :-)
So, I thought for all the parents out there with kids that have clear itch free skin and no deadly food allergy, I would give you a glimpse of what happens in my brain, daily, if not every minute of every day.
As a Mom, we worry. That's what we do. Since the day Kline shot out of my v jay jay my mind has not rested since. ( I will be kind and spare you from my v jay jay pix!)
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> Will he breath on his own?
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> Is he getting enough Breat milk?
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> Will he ever sleep?
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> Why is his poop green?
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> Is he colicky?
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> How the hell can I protect his wobbly neck if we get in a car crash?
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> What if I roll on him in the middle of the night?
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> Why is he crying?
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> Is he going to get sun burn?
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> Is he too hot?
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> Is he too cold?
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> Will he grow up to be a good man?
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> Will he have friends, fit in! Be bullied?
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> Will he be a bully?
> Will he be happy , healthy , and wise?
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> So, that is what I imagine a normal mom worries about....and just a few of their worries at that.
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> BUT,
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> This is what my mind started to worrying about since Kline was born because he has severe food allergies to dairy, eggs and all nuts and his skin and itch have always been an issue!!!!!
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ENTER MY MIND WITH CAUTION
> What is he eating?
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> What is he touching?
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> What did I just eat...I think my breast milk may have been contaminated by dairy!
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> Did that table at the kids museum get wiped down before he touched it?
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> Where are my wipes?
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> Why would someone not wipe their kids hands off at the park, after they eat a runny peanut butter sandwich? Now, your kid has gotten the deadly peanut butter all over the whole play set!
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> Is someone eating a hard boiled egg in here?
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> No, we can't go to any breakfast restaurants, even if we pack all of kline's meal, because he can't be in a room with eggs cooking.
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> Is that gluten free?
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> Was that made in a facility with eggs, dairy or nuts?
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> Do I have the epi pen?
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> Did you bring the epi pen?
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> Where is the fucking epi pen?
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> Why the fuck is a medicine that will save a persons life so fucking expensive? The epi pen!
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> No we can not go out to eat....too much cross contamination.
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> Are you watching him, that kid has a sippy with dairy in it!!
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> Is he itchy?
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> Where's the aveeno?
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> Did you put his steroids on him? (wish I never thought that one!)
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> Where are his steroids?
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> Are his steroids running low?
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> Why aren't his steroids helping anymore?
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> What did he eat? His skin is a mess!
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> I think the ergo carrier is making his eczema worse, he is getting too hot, better not carry him in that!
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> He needs long pants on, his skin may touch the grass.
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> When will he sleep?
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> Where is the antihistamine?
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> Maybe we should try a cranial sacrum dr.?
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> What did that cranial sacrum dr. Just do? Seems like anyone can touch his head for an hour! 90 bucks down!
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> God I hope Kline won't be scarred by the colonic!
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> When will he sleep!?!?
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> I think I have carpal tunnel from itching him all day and night!
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> NO MY KID IS NOT FUCKING CONTAGIOUS!!! YOURS IS!!!!
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> What did he eat...maybe we would cut out everything and start from scratch!
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> Oh great, he is allergic to 25 food according to his skin test and any plant, animal, or bug created by god! fuck!
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> Maybe we need to change his bedding?
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> Maybe we need to rip out the carpets?
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> Is this water chlorinated?
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> Is it the dogs? Should we get rid of them? Lets change their food to grain free. Let's wrap them in a bubble!
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> Let's get a full house water filter and air filter and wrap him in bubble. Crap, that didn't even help!
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> When will this end?
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> What did he touch...he has hives all over!
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> Maybe it's the detergent?
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> How much fucking money have I spent this month on real soap, organic grain free sugar free, egg free, nut free, dairy free food, and doctor bills?
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Where's my Paxil?????
> Can I get that wine by the gallon....alright I'll just switch to boxed wine.....a lot more for your buck.
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> Crap, maybe just really strong margaritas!
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> Well, shit that's not working..maybe just a few shots of tequila!
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> Ok, well...let's add chocolate in to there..maybe that will make me feel better.
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> Why am I getting so fat?
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> Why can't I go a day with out a drink?
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> Why is nothing working?
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> Google will know!
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> Google searching at 3 am , totally normal right?
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> Support groups! Special recipe groups!
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> Therapy!
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> Why is my marriage suffering so badly?
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> Why don't we ever have sex?
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> What the hell happened to our life?
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> When will we get our life back?
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> WTF,WTF! WTF!!!!!!!!!!
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> Well, that's about a minute of what my brain and many other mom's brains look like. Or at least I hope I am not the only one that thinks this way!!!!! I told you to proceed with caution!
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> Hopefully, one day, I can calm my mind, without Paxil, booze, and chocolates! Hopefully one day, Kline will not be itchy, red, and oozing! Hopefully one day, Kline will sleep! Hopefully one day, Kline will grow out of his food allergies and be able to eat any where he wants and whatever he wants.
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> But for now, my poor wee brain is on over load....pray for us! Lol
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> One crazy mama! Loren
My 6 year old has never been tormented with red skin disorder but the food allergy mind talk is something I do as well. I felt like crying during this short post. All these 'extra steps' to just simply keep our children alive. I love how the insurance company argues that 2 sets of twin pack Epi pens are all they will cover. Wtf do you do when you are divorced and the mom and the dad and the school all need two? God forbid you lose one or need to use one. We are very strong mothers, not necessarily by choice, but necessity. Just think how it goes, little baby steps of improvement. I love your blogs. Bless you and your family. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWhen we had really bad insurance we had to pay $150 for his double pack, insane!!! I don't know what we would have done if we needed three sets? Yikes! Thank you so much an eI hope you get some peace of mind too! Thank you xoxoxox Loren
DeleteIts strange because as I read this, I related with it all. My son has severe multiple food allergies and eczema since 6 months and I could have written this post myself. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteHe's now five, not much has changed, somehow I've learned to manage or maybe I'm just getting by... My false hope him outgrowing his allergies have gone away since nothing changed for us... :/
I've read many outgrow so hopefully it all gets better for you too.
Don't lose hope yet! My son was the same- diagnosed w/multiple FAs at 5 mo. When we removed it all though, his skin & all symptoms cleared up 95%. The even better news is that he JUST outgrew the milk and egg allergies! Or, we just found out when he accidentally ate a bite of a fudgesicle and had no reaction. When he was two, he was nearly killed by a Dorito!
DeleteI think you must be helping so many Mom's and Dad's with your blog. Just looked -- 68,037 views. Incredible. Of course, we also empathize with you and our little grandson. Praying everyday for total healing for Kline. Love you! Love 'em everyday! GMa & GPa
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your post!! My 2 year old son has suffered with eczema since birth and we have dealt with food allergies before he turned 1. I can relate to everything you have said. It helps to know I am not alone! I am so hopeful that someday this will not be our reality.
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong. Thank you for being so honest--my son does not have eczema (he did, but never severe, and epsom salt baths cleared him up.) but he does need an epi pen for an allergy to chickpea and sunflower seed. He is also allergic to dairy, egg, probably corn, probably soy, and definitely gluten. He gets very scary asthma attacks each time he has a cold. It is so exhausting, and if you do not have a child with food allergies, than you simply cannot understand the agonizing worry and stress that comes with it. you are so, so incredibly strong. Have you heard of NAET? I haven't tried it for my son because we can't afford it (75 a session where we live) but I've heard some great things. Youtube has some incredible success stories -- if i had the money, you bet i'd try it!
ReplyDelete