Seeing your baby suffer all day long has to be one of the hardest things in the world. Trying everything under the sun to help and fix him when none of it seems to help and only makes it worse, make you feel like absolute shit! Taking him to dr. after dr. to try and fix him and they don't, it's so frustrating! My poor baby actually believes that he can't be fixed! " you can't fix me mommy, you can't!" he screams as I scratch him and cry. Or the little bit of hope he gets when we go to a new dr. , when he says, " this doc going to fix my itching!". Breaks my heart to know that his wish may not be fulfilled.
I am not a religious person and I'm no saint, but I have been praying hard lately. For my baby to heal, to have a normal, comfortable life, for my sanity....and well, I wonder, is god listening? How could such crap ass things happen to babies!! I get mad at god and beg for help, still nothing! Maybe it's easier for people with a real sense of faith to pray and beg and get nothing in return! Me, it makes me hate god a little bit. I know you are supposably only given as much as you can handle, but my baby shouldn't have to handle not being comfortable in his own skin, Wanting to rip it off of him. He shouldn't have a mom that has no patients for the endless hours of screaming at night. And that is why, I sometimes question god and wonder, are you actually listening? are you watching what my baby is going through? Why , oh , why, won't you help us? I would do anything to help Kline, god just show me the right answer!!!! I want to believe that god is good and kind and healing, come on god, bring it!!!!! We need it!!!!
So, because our detox is so intense and terrible, we are going on to full gaps and we may revisit intro later after we have done some healing. I hope to god, that this is the right step for us.....come on god, nooooo wammmmmies!!!!! Make me a believer again, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know that Kline is healthy compared to many babies out there, and I honestly have no idea how those brave families deal with their sick babies.....my heart goes out to all of them and hope too that god answers their prayers too!
One very depressed mama, Loren